One WEIRD TRICK to Help You WAKE UP in the Morning

We've all been there.  The alarm goes off at an ungodly early hour.  We slap the snooze button and try to catch a few extra z's.  But then... oh no!  It's been thirty minutes and now we have to rush to get ready.  Wouldn't it be nice to just roll out of bed and take your time getting ready?  (If the answer is no, why are you even reading this?!)

Well, I have some amazing advice for you.  Much akin to the "One Tip for a Tiny Belly" and "Why Dermatologists Hate Her", this weird trick is ridiculously easy to follow.

But first, let me give you some science.

Did you know that your cells respire?  Yes, every cell in your body has little tiny lungs inside of it that makes cellular respiration possible.  These tiny lungs carry oxygen around in your body and help to get rid of carbon dioxide.  Don't believe me?  Just look up cellular respiration and you will be amazed at the things you can learn.

Your cells never stop breathing (well, they do, but we call this "death"), even when you go to sleep!  Your body carries on carting oxygen and carbon dioxide, as well as waste around in your body.

Do you see where I am going with this?  No?  Well read on!

The waste that your body carries around comes in two forms; poop and urine.  When you finally wake up in the morning, your metabolism gets a jump-start and that's why, two bites into your oatmeal, you get the urge to go to the bathroom.

The best thing that you can do the night before is to prepare yourself for the next morning.  How do you do that?  With this one weird trick, of course!

Instead of just going to bed with your phone, have a set bedtime.  I cannot stress this enough.  Bedtimes are important for everyone, not just four-year-olds.  Once you are comfortable in bed, curl up with a good book and read for a while.  This will help you relax into your happy, warm, sleepy times.  Maybe turn on a fan for some background noise.

Then comes time for the one weird trick.  Are you ready?  Drink between 4 to 8 ounces of water, depending on your body.  No more than twelve.  Why should you do this?

Your body dehydrates overnight because you aren't drinking water, so this is not only healthy, but it helps to flush out excess toxins.  Can it be tea?  Certainly, as long as there is no sweetener.  Can it be soda?  No.  Diet soda?  No.  Juice?  No.  Drink water, dammit.

Again, depending on your body and the amount of water you drink, it should take between six to eight hours to process through.  And you know what that means.

Your bladder will fill up.  The urge to pee should be just enough that your body lets you know but not enough to haunt your dreams.  This is guaranteed to wake you up in the morning.  It should be enough that you have to pee, but not so much that you have to sprint to the bathroom like the hoover dam is bursting inside of your body.

Then, because it's light outside, it should be impossible to go back to sleep.  Now you have plenty of time to cook a decent breakfast, plan your work outfit, and make coffee so you don't have to stop by Starbucks even though you're already late and get pissed off in the drive through because how does it take twenty damn minutes for you to get your frigging cup of coffee and the boss is going to be breathing down your neck all damn day because of this and it's all the fault those slacker English and History majors who work at Starbucks why couldn't they get a degree in science oh because they're lazy!

Doesn't waking up to pee sound so much more relaxing than that?

I recommend a few nights of practice.  Start off with 4 oz of water and increase it by two until you reach optimum morning pee level.

Do this literally right before you turn of your light to go to sleep, otherwise your body will metabolize too quickly and you will wake up in the middle of the night, which doesn't help anyone.

Yes, this one weird trick can save you up to a thousand hours of rushing around every month.  Water you waiting for?  Get to it!